"I think any industry I get into I kill." Ryan, going from working in films to the airlines.

"I like family–friends take too much effort to be with." Mom

"I'm making coffee now in case anybody wants to suck." Mom referring to the Australian Tim Tam suck where you suck the coffee through the cookie.

"I was just calling to see how you're doing and if you remember last night." Eric's message for me one Sunday. Oh dear.

"One of the reasons I didn't vote for Bush was cause I knew he was a war monger." Mom

"Every time we see a flag, let's sing." Mom, a little kooky while we were driving home one night.

"What does AWOL stand for?" Dad
"You ran away." Mom

"I can eat shrimp in any language." Dad, not liking Mexican food much but having shrimp at a Mexican restaurant one night.

"I could finish playing for him and he'd still win." Dad, on Davis Love's big lead in the Player's Championship.

"We went from cute waitresses in cocktail dresses to guys in assless chaps in 10 minutes." Eric, on going to the swanky Redwood Room in Union Square to Baghdad Cafe in the Castro.

"When a girl's wearing a skirt that short, she's got problems." Eric, observing some girl at a bar.

"If vodka gives you pleasure, you're in good shape cause vodka's easy to come by." Eric, to me.

"Wherever you want, Eve and I will drink." Christie, to Eric on deciding a place to go after the party.

"Fuck'n hell." Me
"Welcome to the Dark Side." Eric

"I went to kindergarten with him, so it doesn't count. Me, about Stopher
"That's like incest." Stopher

"You might have to blow that thing out–homeland security." Bouncer at the bar we went to in SF, to Christie with the donkey candle.

"He's gonna get pissed I'm melting his donkey." Christie, on D Shap's colorful candle on a stick.

"The love wall–I remember the love wall." Stopher on Mark's pillow barrier that he is so proud of.
"Everyone hates the love wall–only you like the love wall." Christie, to Mark.

"Is she a good hugger? Stopher probing into Rodd's dating life.
"I told you I'm saving myself for marriage." Rodd

"Kinda weird–it's been more than two weeks without a trolley." Rodd

"For dessert I'm gonna pound that." Stopher, on a margarita at Tommy's.

"Jose and Bush are the only people that I know that are for the war." Eric

"Well, that was worth the $3 expense." Christie, on our entertaining cab driver.

"Next time do the same thing: halfway and then come back." Our SF taxi driver on us deciding to turn back and get our cars.

"I love danger–as long as there's no cold water." Eric

"I don't know what to expect. I'm hoping for dancing Hitlers." Eric, on the Producers Broadway show we went to see in SF.

"I'm on the cough drop diet." Yed
"Are you sick?" Christie
"No, I just like sucking on them." Yed

"I'm sick of the war. Especially since we don't seem to be doing too well. It's kind of like a football game–when your team doesn't seem to be doing that well, you lose interest." Mom

"Colonel Sanders tried to sleep with the Mexicans but it doesn't work out cause he's too old." Dad, on the KFC/Taco Bell combo fast food restaurants.

"Who wants Miss America? I want to watch the war." Dad, one of my two war news obsessed parents.

"You can come over and play Buffy." Yed, on him and Rodd moving into his new place.

"Made me want to go out for a non-sober night on the town!" Steph's response to a fun night out Hope had before leaving for Europe.

"Did you see construction workers in shorts?" Dad, on the only thing he remembers from being in Australia 30 years ago.

"Did you speak Australian? Wednesday, Wednesday." Grandma, to me.
"No, Grandma. That's G'day." Me

"I didn't sleep at all." Me, to Dad after my flight from Melbourne to LA.
"Oh, so you ready to party?" Dad

"I'm in the country." Me, calling my parents when I got back to LA. Just kind of a fun thing to say.

"I'm a solicitor." Guy we met in Sydney's response to what he does. I was thinking that meant a door to door salesman or something, but it turns out to be a lawyer.

"If you see a koala on the side of the road, make sure to check the pouch..." Part of a zookeeper's talk at the Sydney zoo.

"All the moments of my life when I was with you are very well documented. All the others I have a hard time recollecting." James, to me.

"Alright, alright, mushy pee." James, to me.

"Come on, there's not part of you that wants to order a Cock Sucking Cowboy?" Me, to James, in a bar in Sydney after overhearing a group of people ordering the shot.

"I like drinking Eve. Sick drinking Eve isn't too much fun, but drinking Eve is." I think that's James way of saying he was having fun with me in Australia and not so much some other times.

"You and I definitely have the drinking down. There hasn't been one night where we haven't gone out for good drinks." James, to me, on my visit to Australia.

"I'm a lychee and pumpkin whore." Me, having those things lots in Australia.

"I'm glad I'm not currently using these for birth related activities cause I'd be screwed." Me, on my pills in the changing time zones.

"I don't know how I feel about mushy peas on a hot dog." James, on the late night meat pie stand's menu.

"Fuck it, we're walking home." Me and my rationalization for getting a Magnum chocolate ice cream bar after drinks and a late night meat pie.

"I can really sue someone for you. I just wanna sue someone." James

"They've got to let us in. You're wearing a boobie dress and I'm wearing a suit." James, on a pretentious bar in Sydney.

"I think it's all about the repetition." James, on the opera we saw at the Sydney Opera House.

"It's like we're going to San Francisco from LA, but we're in Australia." James, on the short flight to Sydney from Melbourne.

"If this doesn't work, I'm starting to smoke, and if that doesn't work, I'm trying the hard stuff." Me on my life and escaping to Australia.

"I figured I could get bombed at home or here and I'd rather be in Australia." Me, on traveling with the pretense of war.
"I'd rather you get bombed in Australia too cause if it happens then I'd have company." James

"I'm gonna get fat." Me, on eating a Magnum bar after having so many Tim Tams.
"No, you're beautiful. And food is good." James' response

"We just ordered a skinny latte and a short black–two things that wouldn't mean anything in the US." James, on our Australian coffee orders.

"We invented all these games we can't win–we're crap." British friend Michael in Australia's reply to giving us a hard time about not knowing answers about our country.

"What does John 'Yes W Bush' Howard..." Trivia question poking fun at the Australian Prime Minister.

"The capital of what country lies on the Potomac river?" Trivia night question in a pub in Melbourne.
"Hmmmmm..." Me and James
"YOURS!!!!" An Aussie friend of James disgusting with our non immediate answer.

"There are all sorts of great and wonderful things in Australia." Me, excited about the bottled varieties of Strongbow cider they had in a pub in Melbourne.

"No one calls me. Eve calls me when she's not here, but she's here." James' reaction to his friend calling him in Australia.

"I'm still Jenny, Jenny from the block with the burger, burger with the lot." My Australian rendition of the song.

"Eve, it's 9 o'clock. I like you." James, on me eating and talking about where to have our second dinner that night.

"I can't even tell you how cool your hair looks." James, in awe. Too bad it just lasts that day really with non-hair styling me.

"Eve, it looks great. I was ready to lie and everything, but it looks great." James, on my hair just after it was done.

"Us Aussie hairdressers aren't too bad, are they?" Chris, to me, after my appointment.

"A burger is just not a burger without the bacon and egg!" Chris, my hair colourist in Melbourne.

"You have virgin hair, don't you?" My hairdressers Chris and Craig in Melbourne, to me.

"I'm tired of meeting men and married women–I can do that on my own!" James, to me, in Melbourne.

"I could just lock you up and change your flight without telling you." James, trying to keep me in Australia.

"It's like walking on flour–a party for your feet." James, on a beach on the Great Ocean Road in Australia.

"A good peach is like heaven. I mean, I don't know what heaven's like or if it exists..." James

"I was trying to get a sneak preview, but I guess I'll have to wait for the publication." James, on trying to read my quotes notes.

"I want a Tim Tam at the Shim Sham." Me, rhyming a craving a popular Aussie cookie with a New Orleans club.

"You're really not here long enough–I hope there's a war." James, to me, after being there just a day.

"What exactly is your accent?" Bartender, to James in Melbourne.

"It's more fun cause you're creating your own death?" Me, to James, on rolling cigarettes.

"Eve, I can't believe you're in this country!" James, to me

"I'm trying to avoid contact with the outside world." Me, to Eric when he asked if I'd be on IM while I was gone.
"Anyone in particular?" Eric
"Everyone in particular." Me

"Give my regards to Jimmy." Grandma, to me, before leaving to see James in Australia.

"If someone wants to put their shrimp on your barbie, don't let them. Unless it's a big shrimp–then you might like it." Daniel for another "Oh dear" quote.

"I'm going to travel until I can travel no more." Lisa, who shares the same running away from life ideas as me.

"I don't even want to go anymore–I just want to stay in bed and do nothing." Me, feeling apathetic and unmotivated.
"I'd still go to Australia. Maybe you can try the bed thing when you get back." Ebs, to me.

"Have fun–I'll be acting very executive in DC." Hope, on missing dance for a business meeting.

"You ready for your date with a married man?" My mom, to me, on having lunch with Clayton.

"Oh! What happened? Who abused you?" Dad, on seeing the bruises on my knees from dance class.

"You're cool and he's cool so I'm glad cool people are hanging out." Cori, on me talking with one of her friends.

"You are so young and have been everywhere already. That's good. When you're old you can repeat." Grandma, to me.

"Is it that time of the month?" Mark, to me when I wasn't feeling too great.
"No, it's that time of my life." Me

"He's like a cabbage patch doll–at first you don't like him and then they grow on you." Mom, on Clay on American Idol.

"I've been somewhere you haven't!?!" Ryan, all proud of himself.

"Tell her you're getting married in Australia." Dad, to me, about talking to my Grandma.
"But I'm not!" Me
"Well, just tell her a good story to get her excited." Dad

"I'm all over this episode, baby! Give me Faith! Woohoo!" Clayton, on Angel.

"The only thing I think about more than dysfunctional boys is food." Me

"Just don't get stuck in the tar pit." Eric, on my life.

"Maybe when I'm 60 I'll appreciate golf as a sport. When I'm too old to rock climb anymore." Hope

"That guilt's definitely a sign of being Adobe-fied." Clayton, to me, on me feeling bad about sending Word docs out as attachments instead of PDFs.

"I'm telling you–once you get past the fact that the story line is completely ludicrous, its a great show." James, on Alias.

"Holy cow, Eve–it's like 4 in the morning!" James in Australia, while talking to me. Funny that is was just 11pm there and he was the sleepy one!

"Only Eve can play dice and talk on her cell phone." Daniel

"Your penis is very cute. I need four dollars." Lisa, to Jen, on her wad of cash.

"I paid her to do my talking for me." Doug, about Lisa.

"He didn't do your side bet, but he won the big bet." Lisa, about Doug, to Daniel.

"Welcome to the one tie we all tie show!" Lisa

"You're doing charity–that's tax deductible right there." Daniel, to Doug, on some betting activity.

"It's time to roll some dice." Lisa.

"Have I told you how much I hate the world!?" Lisa
"I hear ya." Me

"I can't take it anymore–it's karaoke night!" Loeby, at the dive bar with not so talented clientele.

"It's like a high school reunion!" Max, on us coming back to the Farmhouse with Daniel.

"Are you in or are you talking!?" Daniel, trying to get another dice game started.

"I put out, I don't put in." Jen

"Buckle up, Buttercup." Lisa, to Rich

"Shawn, did you bring your dollar bills for dice?" Rich, to a 2.5 year old boy.

"It's like 30 a piece, but I'm doing drunk math so someone should probably double check." Daniel, on our Chevy's bill.

"I have a strict no baby policy." Mike H.

"You know you're wrong and you're right–try that on!" Loeby

"Aaaaaaaaah! Where's Doogie, I need a shot!" Lisa, reacting to what someone said.

"I didn't want people coming over to my house and seeing my Bambi sheets." Kuldip, on his childhood.

"Eve can hook you up to start, but she's not the pimp." Daniel, to Doug, on getting 1s from me to play dice.

"I want her shoes–they light up when she walks." Loeby, on some little girl's tennis shoes.
"I can light up when you walk." Me, to Loeby

"I never used to go to Hooter's, but that chicken is soooooo good." Mike

"Jumbo hooter. That's why I'm smiling." Reechardo, holding his drink.

"You going over there for the grunge or the coffee?" Kuldip, on Rich thinking of moving to Seattle.

"Maybe someone should card our waiter." Doug, on our young Doogie Howser looking waiter at Chevy's that carded everyone.

"We planned the intervention for the end of the trip so we could have fun before then." Mike (Daniel's bro).

"My son's a thug. He's the Sorpranos wannabe." Kuldip, about his 2.5 year old boy and an incident at his day care.

"If one of us isn't gonna listen when I'm talking, I'm not gonna do it anymore." Daniel, to Doug

"By the end of the night, everyone had a turn on the stripper pole–even me!" Daniel, on some OK party bus.

"I knew it couldn't get bad until Rich got here." Daniel, on our Chevy's night.

"I want to jump off a bridge." Me, to Ryan
"Well, you're going to Australia." Ryan
"Do they have better bridges there?" Me