"Why do we have all these footballs?" Joe
"Because the Super Bowl is this weekend." Me
"Really?" Overworked Joe

"Wow. Sounds like a 'Kevin' gift . . . Can I just get you a nice shirt?" James, on my request for a Tivo.

"Hahahaha... That's no problem. Quote away!" Dan H.'s response to me telling him he'd be quoted.

"You're like my second girlfriend, you treat me so well." Dan H.

"I think that's why I fell asleep–I usually read before I go to bed." Kevin, on watching the Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon movie.

"If I didn't feel that way, I wouldn't feel that way." Tiffaney, on her speech.

"Hold on. Just give me one dance and I'll make one for you." Brian P., to Claudia. He was playing the dance game and then making her a password.

"Yeah, I just figured the fact that I was once a cross-dresser wasn't something I wanted to reveal on our first date." Kevin, finally revealing to me that he once wore a dress after ~6 years of knowing him. Don't be too alarmed–it was in a play.

"Can you give me a glass of orange juice? Shaken, not stirred." Dad, to me.

"It's not a real channel, it's channel 16." Mom, on PAX and it's extra long commercial breaks.

"We should make a comedy video of Dad–I think we could sell it." Mom

"Why are they showing this? At least show a girl walking!" Dad, on a kareoke dvd we were watching.

"I don't get those streets that change their name halfway. I don't change my name halfway through the day." Mers

"They think I'm so easy, I don't even get a line." Claudia, on boys.

"I've never been that drunk on an airplane before–new record, new record! Ryan Ca.

"I think it'd be cool for someone to see me in the car with this TV." Richard, on Flor's new car with a 14" flat screen TV that plays DVDs.

"I have fun with kids for a while and then they need to go home." Ashley E.

"I have a new favorite drink: on New Year's I had shots of vodka followed by a chaser shot of NyQuil." Lisa Loeb

"My goal is to beat Kevin's brother!" Daniel H. (the published writer), on Amazon.com's sales rank number.

"It was cold and snowy and sucky, but I had fun." Gretchen, on her holidays in Michigan.

"It's fucked up. We're trying to get it unfucked." Andy G., on one of his projects.

"Yeah, we look like Jetta people." Shelley, partially offended.

"I still need to get her to sign my bra." Kevin, about the singer from Sister Seven.

"I was so good at Monopoly, I almost went into real estate." Kevin, on playing the game as a kid.