Here are things about life I've learned first hand or by someone I have encountered recently in my life. Most of it is nothing earth shattering or new, but are things I have come to believe. Some took longer to figure out than others.

One thing to keep in mind is these are only my opinions/philosophies, and how I see things now. I plan on changing, evolving, and adding to them as time goes on.

	General
	There are probably a lot of things you don't have figured out yet.
	Life is fluid and full of consistent change.
	Life is about encountering situations and making decisions about how to respond to them.
	Happiness is part of the journey, not the destination–don't let yourself wait for x, y, and z to happen before you are happy.
	Each person has a full pie chart made up of a finite amount of time and energy and emotion in their lives and its up to them to choose where and who they want to distribute it to.
	Even when you have the best intentions and think you're doing the right thing and being nice, things can still get screwed up.
	It's important to follow your own path and timeline–not the one that is expected of you or that everyone else is following.
	Old habits can be broken, but only when the person really wants to change it themselves and decides to do it.
	Friends
	You have friends for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
	You have a choice in who your friends are.
	Surround yourself with friends that respect you and treat you right.
	Don't ever take a friend for granted–they are way too precious.
	Make sure your friends always know how much you love and appreciate them.
	If you are lucky enough to have friends who are there for you, don't be afraid to lean on them and/or ask them for help. That's what they are there for–friends take care of each other.
	A lot of friendships don't get equal effort from both sides–you have to determine what's ok with you weighed with the benefits of having them in your life.
	Just because a person may call you and ask you to do things with them does not make them a friend.
	It's good to have a variety of friends–each has a different role in your life.
	If something happens with one of your friends that is really bothering you, tell them. It will help them understand you more (and you them), possibly decrease the amount they do something now knowing that it upsets you, and may even strengthen your friendship.
	Not all of your friends are going to get along or like each other.
	As much as you may want to, you can't protect your friends. If you see them on a not so great path, all you can do is tell them what you think to hopefully steer them in the right direction.
	People
	You can't anglicize or devilize people–everyone is part both.
	Bad people aren't bad all of the time and good people aren't good all of the time--you gotta give people a break.
	You can treat trusting people either like a driver's license where they need to prove something before you give it to them or like freedom where it is given to all until they abuse it and it is taken away.
	Try to account for people having a lot going on in their own lives as well.
	Try and give people some leway.
	You cannot help people who aren't ready or don't want to be helped.
	You have to let the people around you live their own lives and make their own decisions.
	It is nice to give people the benefit of doubt and not be skeptical, but to protect yourself, try and be aware of any signs/red flags (ex. past behavior) you may see.
	Be trusting, but mindful of people's potential agendas.
	People don't always say what they mean or mean what they say.
	People don't always know what their own feelings are or want to share them if they do.
	Conflict
	Situations are harder to deal with when they aren't clearly black or white.
	Not everything needs to be talked about (and resolved).
	Just because someone doesn't react the way you would by doing or saying what you might to show you care about them, it doesn't mean that they don't care.
	There is not always one right and wrong way–two different people can have their own perspectives about things.
	Sometimes people don't apologize, but they may do other things to show you that they care.
	If someone doesn't apologize, it's up to you to forgive, forget, or not associate with them if possible.
	You can forgive someone even if they don't show remorse for hurting you–it gives you control of making yourself feel OK with it and you don't need to depend on other's actions to feel better about it and move on.
	Relationships
	Different people have different relationships with each other–trying to mimic the same thing or compete isn't a good idea. Your own will be unique and right for you.
	Everyone is attracted to different things. If you're not what someone wants, it isn't you. Ex. Someone you're attracted to could be into short Arab girls and you may not be one. There's nothing wrong with you–it simply isn't a match.
	It doesn't make sense to be with someone who doesn't fully appreciate you, like you for who you are, and really want to be with you.
	The closer you get to people, the more they can hurt you–you have to assess the risk and decide for yourself if the good things you get out of a relationship with that person is worth it to you.
	This also may relate as life lessons in relationships I previously wrote: Ten Ways to Make Up Your Mind About What's Right.
	Coping
	Give yourself time to heal.
	Everything happens for a reason.
	Everything works out the way it is supposed to.
	Beginnings and endings are the hardest parts of life.
	Try not to regret what has happened–if you play the what if game, so many things would have been different and those things could have had a different negative affect.
	Even if some people have thrown you for a loop and turned your life upside down, maybe that was a loop you needed to be thrown on.
	Having traumatic things happen in your life makes you more vulnerable–expect it and don't make yourself feel bad or fight against it.
	When going through something difficult, it may be better to OD on emotion and deal with it head on instead of trying to oppress or avoid it. If you do, it will catch up with you later.
	Sometimes you'll never get the answers you want and you have to find a way to deal with not knowing.
	Self Determination
	Focus on what you can do to change things.
	You can only control you–how you react to things, your perspectives, what you say, how you treat people. Focus on that instead of trying to changing someone else.
	You don't need to justify your actions to anyone–just yourself.
	Taking Care of Yourself
	You need to do what is best for you.
	Don't rely on one magical thing to happen to make your life better–banking on it may lead to disappointment and being constantly unsatisfied.
	It can be fun to live in the moment–if you worry too much about the past you may be dissatisfied and if you worry too much about the future you'll miss out too.
	It's good to be cautious and protect yourself, but if you don't let anyone in at all, you may miss out on a lot of happy things.
	Set your limits and do not compromise on how you feel you should be and deserve to be treated.
	Stick up for yourself and don't give someone so many chances to mistreat or hurt you again.
	If you really want something and it's not in your control to get it, try and let it go. If it happens, it will happen. Hoping and wanting it will prolong the sadness.
	Don't let other people define you or think less of yourself.
	Try not to let what a few people say or do allow you to get you down on yourself.
	Don't pretend to be someone you're not–you should never need to.
	Knowing yourself is a good thing–try to accept who you are.
	Believe in yourself.
	Understanding and Acceptance
	People try to do what's best for them–you can't fault them for that.
	Try to be open to others' reasons for doing things.
	No one can really understand or say what they would do or how they would react to a situation unless they are really in it.
	Realize the limits of what other people can give. Even if you believe they can, you can't push for more and you can't make them want to.
	You can't force someone to open up to you. Be patient–they have to want to and do it on their own.
	Love your friends for who they are–not what you want them to be.
	Appreciate the people in your life for who they are, all of the great qualities they possess, and how they can and have helped you grow.
	Remember everyone is only human.

Last updated August 3, 2003